Its been 20 years since SATC graced our screens with its modern and acerbic take on the life of a single girl in the city. Two decades on, and its still the close knit friendships that continue to inspire, and occasionally chastise me, on the state of my own life in the big city.
"Getting friends together again is like trying to arrange a meeting between Leave and Remain; you're still the same underneath it all, but fundamentally you're just trying to achieve different things now."
Cocktails in the playroom
This outfit would look great in a cocktail bar, accessorised by a pack of pristinely put together women who both know me inside out, and accept me wholeheartedly for who I am. Instead, its here, in the playroom off my (I must admit) pristine kitchen, accessorised by rubber flooring and wooden cartons of orange juice. Perhaps in the SATC world, we'd all be here together, me and my hip friends, post work, post kids bedtime, putting the world to rights in our Stella McCartney's (a little modern, British update). The truth is, for this London city girl, getting those friends together again is like trying to arrange a meeting between Leave and Remain; you're still the same underneath it all, but fundamentally you're just trying to achieve different things now.
Its my party and I'll cry if I want to
While some of my friends have gone on to have families and kids, some have moved away or like me, live in a constant state of agitation, where everything remains half done; including friendships - while others are still living the glamorous city life that seems a million miles away from my everyday. At the very least, we are all different now, and where once we were each others hearts blood, slowly, over time, others have crept in and taken our places; new friends, boyfriends, husbands, lovers, children. Life moves on. I know these women are still part of my life, part of my world in an inextricable way , but we don't spend hours on the phone anymore, don't call each other to check what the other is wearing to a party. More often than not, don't even go, to the party anymore.
"Watching SATC is a time machine, reminding me of things I used to have - like Saturday mornings. Actual mornings you could class as different to the rest of the week because you got to lie in or do something decadent, entirely for you."
I'm not complaining. Its a beautiful thing the way that life opens up and evolves. I'm just nostalgic for those friendships, the way they were then, when everything seemed possible, when we were young. Watching SATC is a time machine, reminding me of things I used to have - like Saturday mornings. Actual mornings you could class as different to the rest of the week because you got to lie in or do something decadent, entirely for you. Kids have destroyed my concept of weekends. Its more like work days you get paid for, and work days you don't.
Sorry, not sorry
So, I'm sorry for not keeping in touch as much as I'd like to, or as much as I should. I'm trying to be better at being a friend, better at keeping in contact; the little connections. Because I want those people to know that they matter to me, because the past, despite being over, still matters. I try to remind myself not to close off. Because as we get older, as life gets fuller, something has to give. But what I've come to realise, is that its not the amount of time you spend with someone, but the quality of that time. If we can still laugh, still talk like it's 1999, then we're in a good place. And the ultimate test? If I can phone you up and confess that I've just killed someone, and you reply 'I'll get the shovel' - then I know, we're definitely still kindred spirits.